Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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