He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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