You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
