my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
