Apparently you make a good broom.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
