This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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