just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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