somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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