my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
