um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
