i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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