i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
