erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
