So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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