My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
