When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
