About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
