i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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