you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Randomize
