I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
only you would photoshop your dick
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
