wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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