matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
