i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
So apparently I’m into choking now
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
