whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
