I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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