She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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