Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Randomize
