just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
