sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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