I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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