i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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