so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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