she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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