and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
