On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
