I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
