Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
