I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
