your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
