Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
