just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
