Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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