I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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