she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
he told me I talked like a deaf person
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
