Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
meet me or not, i'm out of control
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
