i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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