i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
