You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
