i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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