Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
