Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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